So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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