So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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