it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
