White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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