I feel great
I just peed on a car
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
