i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
