You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
