Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
