i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will pee on everything he values.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
