WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
