haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
