I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
