I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
