I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
