I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
