ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
