I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
