return my video game
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
