I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We got so high we made milksteak
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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