Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
