can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
