Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
