I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
