he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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