FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
