I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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