Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
