I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
