we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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