see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
