its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
