I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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