so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
