i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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