did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
