I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
