Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
