You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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