I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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