You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
