Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
