Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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