dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How's work?
Spinning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
