I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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