And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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