Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
