I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
