don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
