filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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