I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am one with the molecules
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
